What it is
Anger is heat with a message in it. It names a boundary being crossed, a threat, or something you care about under pressure. Treating it only as a failure of composure throws the message away.
One image helps me: anger is the bodyguard standing in front of the hurt. Telling someone what the bodyguard is protecting is disclosure. Just letting the bodyguard swing is discharge.
How it shows up for me
I’m learning to ask what my anger is guarding before I act on it. Usually it’s something tender, and saying that out loud works better than the heat ever did.
It’s also different from contempt. Anger still treats the other person as a peer worth fighting and wants something to change. Contempt looks down and stops asking.