What it is
Gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality. It’s a pattern of manipulation, not a diagnosis; the American Psychological Association treats the word as everyday language.
The name comes from Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play Gas Light and the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband works to convince his wife she’s losing her mind so he can rob her.
The word has spread fast, and some clinicians worry it’s now used for ordinary disagreement. Remembering something differently isn’t gaslighting. A sustained effort to make someone distrust their own mind is.
How it shows up for me
I try to save this word for what it means. When I’m hurt, it’s tempting to use the heaviest word I know. Most of the time, what happened between me and someone else was two honest memories that don’t match.