What it is
A bid is any attempt to connect: a comment, a question, a touch, a look, a joke, even a complaint. John Gottman’s research found that couples who stayed together turned toward each other’s bids far more often than couples who split up.
Bids don’t always come in a clean format. Sometimes they come sideways, wrapped in tears or a half apology or “no, not like that.” They still count.
How it shows up for me
My failure mode is grading the bid instead of receiving it: “if you wanted to connect, you should have said it this way.” That’s me protecting myself. When I catch it, I try to answer the reach, not the wrapping.