What it is
Some people look for value through indispensability. They become infrastructure: the load-bearing beam in a house gets relied on, but nobody narrates it. Being needed runs on competence. Being known requires you to stop performing usefulness.
Signs: hearing news about someone you love secondhand feels more familiar than being told. A shared milestone arrives as a status update instead of a shared moment. You give far more than you receive, and slowly run empty.
How it shows up for me
Being needed is a role I’m fluent in. Being known is one I’m not. I’m practicing the second: telling people what’s going on with me before they have to find out.