What it is
Co-regulation is how two people adjust each other’s emotional and physical state through back and forth: voice, breath, touch, pace. It’s most visible between a caregiver and a child. A calm adult lends a child their nervous system until the child can do it alone.
Self-regulation grows out of co-regulation. Nobody learns to calm down by being told to.
How it shows up for me
When one of my kids is melting down, my words matter less than my breathing. If I get loud, they get louder. If I get slow and low, they usually come down with me. It works on adults too, which is humbling.