What it is
Sometimes you run two standards of respect at once without noticing. One is generous: is this person seriously trying, living with integrity, reaching for something bigger than themselves? The other is hard and physical: what does their body, their output, their discipline say about their character?
Both can be real. The trouble starts when they never get reconciled, and one quietly gets used only against yourself.
How it shows up for me
I give everyone else the generous standard. I give myself the harsh one, and for me it’s mostly about my body: I read body fat as evidence of character. I’d never say that about someone I love. I’m learning to ask why I say it about me.